By: Alexandra Zugaj, SPT, LEND Trainee
A teacher bends over a child and points her finger at them. The child sits looking down with arms crossed. They are both in front of a chalkboard.
The pressure of being an oldest child is overbearing. You want to be the perfect child for your parents; get good grades, complete all the chores, take care of your younger brother. You also want to be the perfect sister to your younger brother; help him with school, protect him from the bullies, and keep him happy. With so many things on your plate what do you do when your brother is diagnosed with a neurodevelopmental disorder and the school system turns their back on your family?
My brother was very hyper as a kid. He had a hard time sitting still for prolonged periods of time or focusing on one task. This became more evident when he started kindergarten. He would stand up and walk around the classroom when the teacher would be giving a presentation. He wouldn’t be able to sit through class without talking to his friends. My parents were always getting a call from the principal’s office about something that had occurred. During parent teacher conferences, my mom always had to hear about how my brother doesn’t study, listen, or stay seated throughout class. As the complaints from teachers continued to pile on my mom decided to go to our family doctor to see if there was something else going on. At the age of 7, my brother was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. The main signs of the neurodevelopmental disorder include being unable to sit still, fidgeting, excessive talking, interrupting conversations, having a short attention span, making careless mistakes, unable to carry out instructions, etc. (Mayo Clinic) All of these symptoms were consistent with how my brother was presenting at school and at home.
My mom thought that this diagnosis would bring some explanation to his actions at school and would resolve the constant complaints from the teachers and the principal. She couldn’t have been more wrong. My brother’s teacher did not hesitate to tell my mom that ADHD was a fake diagnosis and that it was an excuse for her horrible parenting. The insults escalated to calling my brother “the devil’s child” and my mom “an unfit parent.” My mom was constantly hearing negative comments about herself and her son. My brother was constantly bullied by his peers due to the comments made by his teacher. The constant hate without any outside help led to the deterioration of my mom’s mental health and my brother’s self-esteem.
My family was not provided with resources that would be helpful in helping my brother succeed in life. My family did not know that there are rights that protect my brother, and which strive to help him achieve his accomplishments. Here are a few ways parents can help their children with ADHD created with the help of a blog on ADDitude by Penny Williams:
Look at the staff at school as your team members! Don’t look at them as your enemy or someone working against you or your child.
Try to stay calm and keep emotions out of your conversations with school staff.
Submit Parent Concerns Letters accompanied by Present Levels of Performance Letter to the IEP or 504 team at least 2 days before school meetings.
Use email communications to keep everything in writing.
Observe your child’s behaviors and work with them to determine the root of the problems.
Listen to your child and validate their feelings! Make sure they know that their thoughts, feelings, and concerns MATTER!
Teach them to advocate for themselves in society!
The following link is an informative hour-long video that shares information to help parents advocate for their children with ADHD: https://youtu.be/MzoZIkordqA?si=cARJefcQ_MREdoYf
Here is the link to the blog by Penny Williams cited above:
Resources on being an advocate for your child:
